"Seek respect, not attention' - Roy T. Bennett
The importance of respect
Behaviour management is the number one skill all teachers need to be successful - and a large part of that is having a positive relationship with your students. The more you build a relationship with your classes, the less ‘management’ you will have to do.
It is important to understand that there is a difference between just being liked and having a positive relationship. The latter is more about mutual respect. I have known many teachers who were ‘popular’ with students or well ‘liked’ because they had no behaviour management skills, did not expect work to get done and let students run the class. These teachers may be liked, but are they respected? And what about the students who want to learn? They can’t because of the noise and distractions.
If your goal is to be liked by your class, you will quickly lose their respect. If your goal is to be respected, then being liked will quickly follow.
The difficulty is respect must be earned.
A prime example
I knew this teacher in her first year. She was young and ambitious, her goal was to be different to the teachers she had in school, and to be liked by her students. She believed that by being nice and treating her class as though they were her friends, they would respect her, and that behaviour management would be easy. Unfortunately for her, the opposite was true. The stronger characters in her class kept asking questions to throw-off her lesson plan. They asked her personal questions and she always indulged them, not wanting to be rude. She would then quickly lose the attention of the class, with students chatting amongst themselves and ignoring her attempts to get them to focus in the lesson. She didn’t follow the behaviour policy of the school, and quickly lost the respect of her class. Some of these ‘personalities’ were in my form group and I overheard them making many unkind, and even inappropriate comments about her teaching. It became clear that the following steps needed to take place:
STOP. These comments needed to be quickly shut down. I made it clear to my students that any unkind language is not acceptable in a classroom setting and if they are concerned about their progress in a class then then need to speak to me as their form tutor.
INFORM. My Head of Department needed to be made aware of what my students were saying about these lessons.
COACH. The teacher in question needed to be given a mentor who specialised in behaviour management.
Fortunately, my Head of Department became her new mentor. Her sole purpose was to help her get her behaviour management on track and teach her about how to build respectful relationships with her class. It took many months for her to learn to use the policy consistently, and she had to learn the hard lesson of managing her class first and being liked second.
The best compliment is when students tell me about a conversation they’ve had or when a teacher passes on a comment they’ve overheard, about how students enjoy my lessons but they know not to cross a line. That makes my heart swell.
However, this is a difficult balance.
It takes time to learn how to have fun in a lesson while maintaining control. Students being scared to enter your room or working in silence out of fear is not a positive working environment. It is important to remember that building these relationships requires extra steps above and beyond just managing your class.
5 Tips for building positive classroom relationships
1. Be Consistent
When you need to follow the behaviour policy, make sure you are consistent. Some students act out more than others and it will be tempting to lash out at a repeat offender and let off a first or more rare offender. However, your class sees everything. They will quickly notice favourites and which students you appear to dislike. When you try to discipline you will get arguments like ‘but Sarah did the same thing and she only got a warning’. Now you need to deal with an argument and the knowledge that students see you as being unfair. When this happens, problems can escalate quickly, because whether they are right or wrong, some students will assume any reprimand from you is because they are not one of your favourites. Consistency helps to deescalate many potential future issues.
2. Be Clear
Whether you are dealing with a first-time incident or a seasoned pro at misbehaviour, make sure you are clear at labelling the action and the consequences. This is for you to know what action you are taking, to make the student aware of their actions, and for the class to have a friendly reminder of the policy. With consistency, many students will choose not to argue as they know they have been caught and that their reprimand or punishment is fair and consistent.
3. Be Quick
If you need to discipline a student or speak to a whole class about noise level, do it quickly, then go right back to enjoying your lesson. Don’t dwell on it or maintain a scowl. Your students will learn where the line is yet still enjoy the lesson that you are so passionate about teaching to them.
I had a lesson right at the top of a staircase. During change-over, there was some pushing and dangerous activity on the stairs. I couldn’t get to the instigators without tackling 20 or so other students on the stairs, so I used my voice. It was effective.
When I went into my classroom, my students were all facing forward and completely silent. Experienced teachers will know how strange this is. I went to the front of the room, put on a big smile and said in my cheeriest voice “Good afternoon, let’s learn some exciting things today!” There was a huge sigh of relief; we laughed about the silliness of younger students and then had a lesson full of volunteers and exciting group discussion. I couldn’t let the misbehaviour of other students put a damper on my classroom relationships.
4. Use Names
This sounds easy, but when you start a new year and have about 200+ names to learn, it can be a challenge. I print off a class list with pictures and keep it in a folder I use for that lesson. I use it as often as needed until I have learned the names of all my students.
5. Go that step further
When they enter, say hi to a few of them. Even better, say hi to the ones having a chat as they enter. It will remind them to get into learning mode. Ask a few students about their break, or lunch, or holiday and really listen to their answers. If you overhear a student talking about the sport they play, ask them about the game, congratulate a student on running a 10k or getting a role in the school play. Each of these exchanges takes a couple of minutes or less, and some students will not offer much of a response, but the benefit is that for those few moments, those students felt seen by you, and that goes a long way.
So there you have it, 5 ways to build a positive relationship with your classes. For more useful ideas, check out our range of blogs.
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